


Cannot Go Back

by Jay707



Series: Talk About Loving What's Bad For You [2]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Dissociative Identity Disorder, F/M, Luciel and Yoosung are amazing, MC is still preggers, MC isn't in a relationship with the twins, No Saeran/Saeyoung/MC, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Scars from self-harm, i would die for them, maybe a little
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-02-29 18:10:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18783466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jay707/pseuds/Jay707
Summary: MC doesn't know what to do when she finds out she's pregnant with Saeran's baby and goes to Saeyoung for help.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> After realizing that I didn't actually want to totally leave it where it was, I made this little chapter and decided to keep the story going. Won't be as much sex and stuff so for all you sinners, shoo!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk of scars.

You didn't know what you were going to do. Would he be mad? Would he make you...abort it? Would the baby even be able to live there? With _him_ as the father?

You took the car again, and drove to the place you felt safe and to whom you trusted most.

* * *

 "Saeyoung!" You called. "It's MC! Open up, I need your help!" You waited for a while. "I don't know how to speak Arabic!"

You then heard the sound of metal grinding. The door opened and you were greeted by golden eyes and red hair.

"Sae-" You were cut off by a hug.

After what seemed like forever, he let you go. "You're okay! Where were you?! Why did you come back?!"

"It's a long story that I'll tell once we're inside."

After you explained what happened, he let out a small sigh. "So...Saeran kidnapped you...and made you his slave?"

"In a sense...but I have a new problem and I need your help. He doesn't know I'm here."

"What happened?"

"I just found out that...I'm pregnant..." You told him, hesitantly.

"A-are you serious, MC?" You nodded. "Did he take advantage of you? Did he hurt you?!"

You touched his arm to try and calm him down, "No, he didn't. It was consensual."

He sighed in annoyance. "So what do you need help with?"

"Can I stay here, please? Just until I know whether it's okay to have the baby live there or not."

"Wait, MC, you're going back?"

"Yeah. I love him, Saeyoung. I can't just leave him."

"But I thought..." He trailed off.

"I do." You cupped his cheek. "I just can't leave the father of my child."

He turned his head away from you and thought for a minute. "Yeah, you can stay here. You can sleep in my room and I'll take the couch. I'll inform the RFA members that you're okay. They were really worried about you."

"Thank you, Saeyoung! Thank you so much!"

He looked back at you, "This means that you'll have to explain it to them, too. They deserve to know why you're leaving us."

"Saeyoung, I'm not-"

"I'll go call them right now." He got up from the couch.

Did you make a mistake in going to him? He seemed so hurt. You weren't leaving the RFA members! You were just...possibly getting into another relationship. "Another" made you sound like a slut.

You put your head in your hand and sighed. What were you going to do?

Well, throw up in the bathroom was the first thing.

A knock came at the door, "MC, are you okay?" Saeyoung asked.

"Y-yeah. I'm fine."

"You want something to eat?"

"Please."

"Okay. I'll bring a toothbrush, too."

You suddenly appreciated him so much. It made you feel like an ass that you didn't before.

A few seconds later, he walked in with a toothbrush and handed it to you. "There's toothpaste behind the mirror and I'm making some ramen that'll be ready in a few."

"Okay, thank you, Saeyoung. I really appreciate this."

"Of course." He looked at you for a second and seemed to be deep in thought.

"Saeyoung?" You waved a hand in front of his face.

He snapped out of it. "Oh. Sorry. Lost in thought. I'll go back out now."

"Hey," You grabbed his arm, "are you okay?"

"Yeah. Fine." He left.

You sighed. "It was a mistake to come here."

All you were doing was hurting Saeyoung. Great fucking job, MC.

You grabbed your head and sighed. "Pull yourself together."

You then realized that you hadn't looked in the mirror since you were in there. But...could you? Did you want to? Not really. You couldn't stand to look at yourself right now.

You brushed your teeth and got the hell out of there.

* * *

Yoosung was the first to speak, "MC! Where were you?!"

"Saeran kidnapped me." You explained.

"Where is his residence? I will send officers over there to take him into custody." Jumin said.

"I...can't let you do that." You said.

"Why not? MC, he _kidnapped_ you!" Zen said, as if you didn't know already.

"Because..." You couldn't tell them. What would they say? Would they hate you? Would they judge you? You looked at Yoosung. You couldn't bare to see the light disappear from his eyes. "Because I don't know where it is."

Saeyoung let out a small scoff from behind you. "Why don't you tell them the _real_ reason? I mean, aren't we family?"

Was he serious? Ugh!

"I...I fell in love with him..." You quietly admitted.

"MC, are you sure?" Yoosung asked.

"Yes."

"Stockholm Syndrome." Jaehee said.

"Huh?" Zen asked.

"It's where the victim falls in love with their captor. That's all it is." She explained.

"No! I mean...I don't think that's what it is..."

Jumin sighed. "I'll get a mental health professional to-"

"No." You said, firmly. You could 't have them analyze you and find out about your past somehow. "I'm fine. I know what this feeling is. I feel it for Saeyoung. Are you going to tell me that that's fake?"

They all stayed silent.

"Exactly. So why would this be any different?"

"Because it's Saeran." Saeyoung said. "He doesn't care about others like that."

You turned to face him, "You're wrong. He cares about me."

"Then why did you run? Aren't you afraid of what he'll say?"

You couldn't argue with that...

"What he'll say about what?" Yoosung asked.

"Her...bun in the oven." Saeyoung said with some disgust.

"You're _pregnant_?!" Zen exclaimed.

You couldn't take it anymore. You rushed to the bathroom and slammed the door. You couldn't think. Your head was just pounding and you could barely breathe. Everything was kind of blurry.

"MC!" Saeyoung pounded on the door. "Open up!"

You couldn't answer.

He bursted through the door to see you on the floor, curled up into a ball. "MC!" He sat you up and held you while the others crowded around you. "Breathe, okay? Just breathe. It's okay. It'll all be okay."

"I...can barely...breathe..."

"I know, sweetie, I know." His soft, amazing, voice said.

"How can I do this? How can I go back? How can I raise this baby with him? How can I have a baby?"

"You're stronger than you think. You can totally do this, MC. Just think of all that you've been through already with your parents."

Your brain totally ignored what he just said. You hadn't told him about the shit your parents did, even though he told you about his mom, but you were too distracted to really notice.

After a few minutes of you and Saeyoung breathing and exhaling deeply, you calmed down. You looked up to see the others still by the door. Yoosung was crying.

"Yoosung, why are you crying?" You asked.

"He kinda thought you were dying." Zen said.

"No I didn't!" He wiped his face free of tears.

"My head hurts."

"Okay, I'll get you to bed. You all should head home. I'll look after her and notify you guys if anything happens to her." Saeyoung said.

They all left and you heard the front door close.

"Thanks, Saeyoung." You said.

"Do you actually still love me?" He asked.

"Yes, of course." You cupped his face. "I love you, Saeyoung."

He let out a short chuckle, "And you love my brother _and_ you're pregnant with his baby." He sighed. "This is so messed up. I feel like you're married and I'm the affair."

"Don't say that! You are nothing less than the man I love!"

"You mean 'the other man you love'?"

You looked at him with sad eyes, turned your head away from him, and stood up. "I can find your room from here. I remember where it is from when we had sex." You started to walk away then stopped to face him, "You were my first." You then left him behind with his own thoughts. That was probably one of the more stupid things you've done.

* * *

The next morning, you were greeted by the smell of eggs and bacon. You walked into the kitchen to find Saeyoung cooking.

He turned around and smiled at you. "Good morning. How'd you sleep?"

"Pretty good. How about you?"

"Well, I thought about what you said, and I'm sorry. I was being a jerk. I realize that it shouldn't matter if you love another person." He set a full plate down. "It was immature."

You smiled, "Thank you, Saeyoung." You gave him a peck on the cheek before sitting down.

"So, you plan to keep the baby?"

"Uh, yeah. I mean, I'd hate to abort it, and I've always wanted kids. I'm just worried about what Saeran would say, ya know?"

"How far along are you?"

"I...don't know." You lightly chuckled. "Why do you ask?" He stayed silent. "You think it might be yours?"

"I-it's a possibility."

You sighed, "I guess. I still don't know what to do though."

"Don't worry about that now. Eat your food."

* * *

You both talked a bit more about what happened at Saeran's. You didn't tell him about how Saeran raped you. You didn't want to make Saeyoung mad at his brother. You actually wanted them to be on good terms just how you wanted to be on good terms with your own siblings.

"If they were still alive." You mumbled aloud to yourself.

"What?" Saeyoung asked.

"Oh, n-nothing." You thought back to last night. "Hey, how'd you know about my parents? I never told you about them."

He pointed to himself, "Hacker."

You slowly nodded, "Right, right."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry. I just noticed your scars."

You self-conciously pulled on your sleeves and crossed your legs. Although, to be fair, you had them  _everywhere_. Your stomach, chest, thighs, and arms.

"And to be honest, it  _baffled_ me. I mean, you were so cheery all the time and to hear what your parents did to you and your sister..."

"It's the same as you. Your chatroom personality isn't the same as your real one. I was just doing what I could to keep everyone, especially you, happy. I care about you guys."

He looked so sad. It broke your heart a little.

"Don't feel bad for me. I'm fine, I'm a big girl and can take care of myself."

He suddenly hugged you. He buried his head in your neck. "I don't want you to feel alone anymore, okay? I'm here for you just like before."

Tears flooded your eyes. You missed him. A  _lot_ and having him there, hugging you was exactly what you needed.

* * *

You and Saeyoung were just chilling on the couch watching an anime you hadn't seen in years when Vanderwood walked through the door.

"Agent Seven, you need to-" He stopped in his tracks when he saw you. You smiled at him and he ran up and hugged you.

It had been so long since you saw Vanderwood and it was good to be back in his arms. Not like you liked him like that, but you always liked him, if that makes any sense. Him chasing Saeyoung around with a taser was one of the funniest things you'd ever seen.

He pulled away, "Where the hell have you been?" 

"Saeran kidnapped me."

"What the fuck? Where is that little shit?" He put his hand on his taser holster.

You couldn't help but giggle a little. "I don't know. When he took me there, he blindfolded me. Plus, you can't hurt him."

"Why not?"

"She's preggers." Saeyoung said.

"What?" Vanderwood seemed a little upset.

"And in love." Saeyoung told him.

You wanted to hide from him. Vanderwood was scary when he was mad.

"Are you crazy, MC? He-"

"Kidnapped me, I know." You interruped him.

He huffed. "We're not done talking about this." He looked at Saeyoung, "You have a job to do." He handed him a piece of paper which you assumed had the details.

"Okay, I'll get on it." He headed to the kitchen.

"Where are you going? Your computer's  _that_ way!"

"Fuel!" Saeyoung called from the kitchen.

You couldn't help but giggle. As much as you love Saeran, you had to admit, it was good to be back with Saeyoung again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that the chapters are shorter than before. It's just hard to come up with ideas with a new setting.

Saeyoung was working on his computer as you continued to watch the anime. Vanderwood decided to stay in case you needed anything. He was surprisingly knowledgeable about pregnancy.

"Don't lay on your back, don't eat sushi, don't eat spicy food, hmm, what else...?" He thought for a minute.

You smiled and put your hand on his arm, "Thank you, Vanderwood, but I think that's enough info for now. I already know that stuff anyway. I was around when my mom was pregnant with my little sister."

"I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine. You don't have to stay here."

"Well," He looked at Saeyoung then back at you, "I also have to make sure he does his work."

You smiled, "Let me worry about that. You just go home and rest."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Please go home."

He sighed before standing up. "Okay. I'll come by tomorrow."

"Okay. See you tomorrow."

You watched him walk out the door.

You looked over at Saeyoung who had his headphones on, blasting music and typing away. You knew he had to do work, but you honestly wanted to get his attention.

"Saeyoung!" You called. "Saeyoung!" You threw a couch pillow at him.

He took his headphones off and looked towards you, "What? Are you okay?"

You layed down on your back and held your hands up as you looked at him. Hopefully you looked like a cat. "Pay attention to me."

He let out a small groan. "MC, if you keep doing that..." He didn't say anymore, but you already knew what he was thinking.

You giggled. "Pleeaase." You meow'd.

He let out a sigh and set his headphones down. He walked over to where you were and stood over you. "MC, you know what you're doing."

"Yep." You giggled. "Is it working?"

He groaned, "Yes." You could practically see the lust in his eyes.

You pushed yourself up and gave him a peck on the lips before plopping yourself back down onto the couch. You smiled at him and stuck your tongue out.

He leaned forward and pressed your lips together. You let out a small moan into his mouth while your tongues gently prodded against each other. You felt the excitement go to your core.

He suddenly pulled away and held his hands up. "Wait, I can't. You're pregnant with my niece or nephew! This is wrong." He walked back over to the computer. "I'm sorry, MC. I shouldn't have done that."

"No, it's okay." You said, quietly.

You wanted it to continue. You wanted to be close to him. But, you knew it was wrong. Like he said, you're pregnant with someone else's baby, and his  _brother_ _'s_ no less.

You sighed. "He's right. This is messed up." You said to yourself.

* * *

Saeyoung let out a loud groan as he stretched in his chair. "Finally done." He set his headphones back around his neck and stood up to stretch his legs. "I'll tell Vanderwood later." 

He walked over to see you asleep on the couch. He sighed. "Sweet, MC...why didn't you come back sooner? We could've been together and you could've forgotten all about my brother. I can't help but feel selfish. Am I crazy for wanting you all to myself?" 

You stirred and moaned in your sleep.

"Probably." He lightly shook you, "MC, wake up."

"Five more minutes." You said, sleepily.

He chuckled, "I said that I would take the couch."

"I don't wanna get up."

"Fine." He picked you up bridal-style and carried you to the room. You pressed your head against his arm and smiled.

He set you down on the bed and pulled the covers over you.

"Thank you." You smiled, eyes still closed. You nuzzled the pillow with your head. "It smells like you."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Not at all. It's nice." You lightly moaned again. "Night."

"Night." 

He sat at the edge of the bed and watched you sleep. Your breathing, the way you moved, he wanted to memorize it all because he knew that one day it would be gone. Saeran would never let you go and he would never see you again. 

It broke his heart.

* * *

You woke up the next morning to see Vanderwood talking with Saeyoung in the living room about the job he did yesterday. Apparently, he had another to do.

"We have an infiltration job to do a few days from now and we need to get some info beforehand."

"Leave it to me."

"What are you infiltrating?" You asked. They both seemed surprised to see you.

"I'm sorry, MC, but that's classified." Vanderwood said.

"Oh, I understand that." You walked into the kitchen and pulled out a PhD Pepper from the fridge.

"This early in the morning?" Vanderwood said. 

You nodded before opening the can and taking a sip.

He lightly shook his head, "You're just like Seven."

You only chuckled.

"Well, I should get going." Vanderwood said. "I have some work at the agency. It was nice seeing you again, MC."

You smiled and waved, "Bye. Nice seeing you, too."

He walked out the door.

You looked at Saeyoung, "So you have more work?"

"Yep. Don't distract me." He sat down at the computer.

You felt like you just got rejected. Was he mad about yesterday? You hoped that wasn't the case. Maybe you shouldn't have pulled him away from his work...

You spent the rest of the time watching TV again.

* * *

"No way." Saeyoung said quietly as he stared closer at the screen.

"What?" You asked, your curiosity officially piqued.

"They're running an underground slave trade. I have to call this in." He picked up his phone and started calling what you assumed to be the agency. "This is Agent Seven Zero Seven. I am calling about some information I have uncovered." He started talking about the underground slave trade some people were running and the people being sold, buying and hosting. "Wait, you want  _me_ to go undercover as a victim?"

Your heart skipped a beat. What if something happened to him? You would kill every single person in the agency (except Vanderwood) if he didn't come back!

"No, no problem. I'll head out with Vanderwood immediately. Goodbye." He hung up.

"You can't do it." You said. "You can't risk your life like that."

He stepped towards the couch, "I have to, MC. It's part of my job. Besides, I've done this kind of thing before."

You grabbed his hand, "I can't-you can't..." You trailed off.

"I'll be okay. Vanderwood will be with me, too. Besides, it won't only be us, we'll have guys ready to barge in there to bust the trade and get what we need."

That didn't make you feel any better.

"I'll go in your place."

"No!" He said, firmly.

"Why not?"

"Because I can't lose you. Plus, you're pregnant."

"I'll be fine, I'll have you to protect me."

"I said 'no' and that's final." He kind of sounded like Saeran.

You sighed in defeat, "Okay. Just...stay safe, okay?"

"I will." He smiled and placed a kiss on your cheek.

With that, he dressed as a woman and left through the door. You couldn't help but acknowledge the knot in your stomach. You had a feeling something bad would happen.


	3. Chapter 3

It was 3am and you were tired. You stayed up for hours waiting for Saeyoung to come back from his mission.

You worriedly wrung your hands in your lap as you sat at his computer. You pushed the chair across the floor and spun around in boredom. You thought of baby names, if it'd be a girl or a boy, if it'd have Saeran's natural, red hair.

You smiled at the thought of a little redhead running around the house, giggling. It absolutely warmed your heart.

The front door suddenly slammed open and Saeyoung and Vanderwood stumbled in. Saeyoung was covered in more blood that Vanderwood was and his arm was around Vanderwood's shoulders to keep him up.

You immediately stood up so Vanderwood could put Saeyoung down on the couch. He groaned in pain.

"What the fuck happened?!" You asked in panic.

"They surrounded and overpowered him. We were too late on the scene. Run into the bathroom and get alcohol, bandages and tweezers. Hurry!"

You did as you were told and when you came back Saeyoung's shirt was up. His abdomen was covered in cuts, blood, and bullet wounds. You almost cried when you saw them.

An hour later, Saeyoung was nearly passed out on the couch. The blood was wiped away and his wounds were bandaged.

"I'll be back tomorrow to check up on him. Look after him and make sure he doesn't move like the idiot he is." Vanderwood said.

"Okay, I will. Goodnight, Vanderwood." You said before he left.

You looked at Saeyoung who was semiconscious. He looked to be in slight pain, so the painkillers were probably kicking in. You placed a kiss on his forehead and began to stand up when he grabbed your arm.

"Don't leave me." Saeyoung said.

"Okay." You sat down in front of the couch. "I won't leave."

"Don't go back to Saeran. If you leave, I won't ever see you again. He'll keep you all to himself. I love you too much to see you go."

You didn't know what to say. You didn't know he felt that way. He eventually fell asleep and you stayed up for a few extra minutes to watch him.

* * *

When Saeyoung woke up, you were looking on your phone. He yawned and tried to stretch, but found it too painful.

"Don't try to move." You said. "Vanderwood only patched up your wounds last night. If you move, you'll reopen them."

He laid back down. "What are you doing?"

"Looking at baby names." You smiled. "What do you think of 'Beom Seok' for a boy and 'Chung-He' for a girl?" Your smile practically took up your whole face.

"They're...good. I like them..." He plopped back down on the couch and sucked air through his teeth.

You realized it might've not been the best idea to tell Saeyoung about the names. He was upset that you loved Saeran as well first off, and secondly, it wasn't his kid. Or, it probably wasn't. There was the  _slight_ chance it was, if you were being completely honest.

"Uh, what would you name your kids?" You asked.

He looked back at you and thought for a moment. "'Soo Jin' for a girl and 'Wook' for a boy."

You smiled, "I like those, too. Do twins run in your family?"

"I think my brother and I are the first. Why? Are you hoping for twins?" He smiled.

"I dunno. It might be nice." You admitted. "I just know that I want the baby to have your hair." You gestured to the mess on top of his head. "Your bedhead is adorable, by the way."

His cheeks turned a little pink and his stomach growled.

"I'll go and make breakfast." You headed towards the kitchen to make some bacon and toast.

* * *

 "You should sleep." You told him. "Your body needs to rest and you're in no shape to go anywhere."

He sighed. "Will you be okay?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be? I'm in the safest place in the world." You chuckled.

"I meant with this." He touched your stomach.

It oddly felt so intimate to have his hand over something that you haven't seen but love so much already. Even though it was probably all in your head, you took it as a signal that he was willing to protect the precious thing growing inside of you.

"Uh, y-yeah, I'll be fine." You told him.

He retracted his hand, "I'm sorry. Was that not okay?"

"No, it was fine. It weirdly felt nice." You chuckled, lightly.

Neither of you said anything for the longest time, and you felt like you just messed something up.

"Uh, have a good rest. I'll just be in your room on my phone or something."

"Okay. I love you, MC."

Your heart stopped for a minute.

"I love you too, Saeyoung." You smiled at him before walking to his room.

Your phone lit up and you saw that you got a text from somebody.

**Unknown: Where the fuck are you?!**

You already knew who it was. You felt your face drain of color and your heartbeat pounded in your ears.

**Unknown: You better get your ass back here before I DRAG you back here by your hair!**

**Unknown: Did you really think you could run from me?**

**Unknown: I OWN YOU!**

You set your phone down. You tried to convince yourself that he wouldn't be able to find you since he made it so that Saeyoung couldn't track your phone, but what if _he_ could? Should you have told Saeyoung? No, you didn't want to trouble him. He was already having a hard time with you being in love with Saeran and him being practically torn apart. You looked back at your phone and it was just ringing, and ringing, and  _ringing_! It was practically inside your fucking head!

You covered your ears and curled into a ball onto the floor. So many thoughts were racing through your head that you couldn't pay attention to a single one. Your head was  _pounding_! It felt as if someone was just beating on drums against your skull. You wanted it all to end. Just everything. It wasn't worth it. It was too much.

There was even more ringing, but it was longer. You quickly looked towards your phone to see that Saeran was calling you. You picked up and slowly walked towards the living room to see Saeyoung awake.

_"Where are you, MC?"_

"I-I can't tell you." You told him.

Saeyoung looked slightly confused.

 _"Why did you leave?"_ He sounded upset, but not as angry as before.

"Because..." You stopped yourself. "I can't tell you that either. I'm sorry, Saeran."

Saeyoung's eyes grew wide. 'Hang up.' He mouthed. You ignored him. He tried his hardest to get up, but stopped when he felt the blood seep through the bandages.

 _"Please come back. The house is quiet without you."_ He sounded heartbroken.

"I'm sorry, but I can't." Tears pricked your eyes.

_"Why not? Is it because of me? I'll try and be nicer."_

Your heart was officially in pieces. "It's not because of you. It's...because of  _me_. There are some things I have to think about before I can come back, but I promise that I  _will_ come back!"

 _"You betrayed me just like him."_ He hung up.

You just stared at your phone for a few seconds before looking at Saeyoung with tears in your eyes. Hearing Saeran in pain because of you tore you apart, and you hated yourself. You rushed to the bathroom to find something, just  _anything_ to dig into your skin.

"MC, don't!" Saeyoung yelled. "I know that you're upset, but that's not the answer!"

"You don't know me like you think you do, Saeyoung!" You yelled back as you looked. "I'm not like you!"

"Please, MC, stop!"

You couldn't find anything in the cupboard or under the sink. In anger, you turned and punched the wall with full force. Your knuckles were red and blood started dripping. You sighed and walked back out into the living room.

"What did you do to your hand?"

"I punched a wall."

"MC, you shouldn't-"

"You have no idea how I feel right now, alright? I  _hate_ myself for hurting him. For hurting  _you_!"

You lightly shook your head and went back to his room. You took your phone out of your pocket and threw it at the bed as hard as you could. It bounced and hit the wall and fell to the floor. You heard the screen shatter. You picked it up and a piece of glass embedded itself into your thumb. You sighed and threw your hand down.

"This is so fucked."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been watching some DissociaDID on YouTube (they're awesome btw, you should check them out) and they talk about DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) which I think Saeran has. I tried to be as accurate as possible, but if you're familiar with it and I'm not portraying it accurately, please tell me.

With Saeyoung's recommendation, you cleaned and bandaged your knuckles. You weren't as mad as you were before, you were just depressed. You were not only fucking up your own life, but the two men that you loved. The two that were possibly the fathers of your child. It all seemed too crazy to be real. Almost like a television show, a video game, or a piece of fictional writing. You decided to take a bath.

**Meanwhile**

"Stupid bitch left without a word." Saeran muttered to himself as he typed away on his computer.

 _"Don't get mad at her..."_ His more timid alter said inside his mind.

"Shut up, pussy. I'm going to find her and drag her back here by her goddamn toes!"

 _"That's gross."_ Someone else said.

"Shut the fuck up! You know what I mean!"

_"But she's so nice...if she left, it was for a good reason..."_

_"You're so naive. But I kind of agree with him. Just let her be."_

"No way am I going to let her get away with this. She needs to be taught a lesson."

_"No! Leave her alone!"_

_"Look at you growing a pair."_

"Both of you, shut the fuck up!"

_"You mind if I front for a minute?"_

"Yes." Saeran said to his neutral alter. "I'm going to trace her phone, find where she is, and-"

_"Drag her back here?"_

Saeran growled.

_"Don't argue...we're getting a headache..."_

_"He's right. This is getting annoying. Just get her location and let's get this over with."_

_"Can we get ice cream?"_

* * *

You stepped out of the tub and looked in the mirror after drying off. You looked at your stomach. It seemed to have gotten slightly bigger. You placed your hand over it and lightly rubbed it. You snapped back to your senses, got dressed and stepped into the living room.

"I really didn't think this through." You lightly chuckled. "I need more clothes."

"We can take one of my babies to get you some." Saeyoung said.

"Not until you're feeling better, mister." You smiled.

"You shouldn't have picked up. He was probably tracing your phone as you spoke."

"He seemed too upset to be doing any hacking. I'm telling you, if I told him that I left for a good reason, he'll leave it. He cares about me."

"Has he ever told you directly?"

You thought back to the small lake in the woods. "Uh, kind of."

"What does that mean?"

"He thought I was asleep and..." You then remembered who you were talking to. "Never mind." You waved it off. "You don't want to hear this and I don't want to hurt you any more than I already have." You tried to force a smile.

"MC..." He began, sadly.

"I-I'll go and make lunch or something, okay?" You headed towards the kitchen.

"Can you get me a PhD Pepper, please?" He called.

You smiled, "Sure."

* * *

A day or two passed and Saeyoung slowly got better. He could even stand up on his own. Your food repulsion strengthened, which sucked. But other than that, everything was good. Saeyoung's job gave him a few days off after he told them he injured his hands in the infiltration job. You thought he was an absolute genius, and an amazing liar.

The RFA members came to check up on the both of you.

"We heard about what happened. Are you okay?" Zen asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. This is nothing." Saeyoung smiled.

"Do you feel well enough to eat Honey Buddha Chips?" Yoosung asked with a smile.

"Of course."

"Are you sure you don't need any professional medical attention?" Jumin asked.

"Yes, I'm sure. Please, don't worry about me, guys."

"We're your family. Of course we're going to worry about you." Yoosung said.

"Exactly." Zen agreed.

"Uh, would you guys like something to eat?" You offered.

"We can't stay long. Mr. Han has an appointment with a councilman this afternoon." Jaehee announced. "We just wanted to see how Luci-I mean, Saeyoung is doing."

"I can't stay either. I have a photo shoot later." Zen said.

"I have LOLOL to play. I still have to get first place." Yoosung said with a smile.

"You should take a break every once in a while." You told him.

"I do. This is my break."

You could only chuckle.

They all left and you waved them out he door.

"They shouldn't worry about me." Saeyoung told you.

"Why not?"

"I don't deserve it. I don't really deserve anything given to me."

"Saeyoung," You placed a hand on his shoulder, "they are your family, and they care about you and aren't going anywhere. Neither am I."

"What about Saeran?"

"I'll make sure to come visit you. I'll even bring the baby." You said with a smile. "It'll be a nice change from all this silence."

"That's true." A smile brightened his face.

"Your wounds seem to be healing nicely."

"Yeah, I feel better. Thanks for staying with me."

"Of course." You smiled. 

You placed a small kiss on his lips, which he took control of. He put his hand on the back of your head and pressed your lips harder together. His tongue explored your mouth and he lightly bit your bottom lip. The excitement again went to your core and you didn't want what was happening to end. You cupped his face with your hands as his began to explore your body. He slowly lifted your shirt over your head and threw it to the ground. You both made your way onto the couch. He slowly laid down on his back and you straddled his hips. His hand went to between your legs and you let out a sharp gasp. He chuckled and pulled away from the kiss.

"Is this okay?" He asked.

You nodded.

He continued to rub you through your leggings and you let out small moans. You leaned downward and left small hickeys all across his neck and collarbone. You gently pulled off his shirt and threw it to the floor along with yours. You eyed the bandages for a minute and thought back to your childhood when you had bandages wrapped around your body.

You started to hyperventilate and cry. You were back to being that little kid trapped in a cage getting beat by your parents.

Hands came up to grab your face and you shrieked. "Don't touch me!"

You couldn't hear the words coming from his mouth. Everything was muffled. You gripped your hair and tightly shut your eyes. 

Not again, not again notagain notagain notagainnotagainnotagain!

"MC, listen to me." The words were slightly less muffled. "It's Saeyoung. You are here in my house and safe with me." He positioned your face to look at his. "See? It's me. You are safe with me. No one is going to harm you ever again."

You carefully looked at his face. "S-saeyoung...?"

"Yes, that's right."

You were brought back to your senses. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." You hugged your torso and looked towards the ground, "I'm really sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm-" You were cut off by a kiss.

"It's okay. You were triggered. It's not your fault. None of it is, do you understand me? None of it is your fault!"

You smiled and wiped a tear with your sleeve. You quickly nodded. "Okay." You whispered. "I'm still sorry for not being able to go through with it." You awkwardly chuckled.

"It's fine. I'll just finish later or something. I just need to make sure you're okay right now."

You smiled, "You're amazing, you know that?"

He seemed taken aback. "I'm only amazing because you  _made_ me amazing."

You laughed and wiped the last tear.

"Let's go get something to drink, okay?"

You nodded.

"Okay, well get off me so we can go to the kitchen." He chuckled.

"Right, sorry." You got off him and handed his shirt back before putting on your own.

* * *

After officially calming down, you and Saeyoung peacefully sat down on the couch together to watch a movie. You both decided on Wall-E. It was one of your favorite movies.

Saeran then slammed open the front door.

"Of course you fucking ran to him."

You immediately stood up, "Saeran! How did you find me?"

"You shouldn't have taken your phone with you."

Saeyoung stood up as quick as he could and placed himself in front of you. "Don't touch her."

"Shut up, traitor." Saeran looked back at you. "You are coming back with me."

"I-I can't."

"Why not?"

"Y-you scare me, Saeran. I can't go back until I know it's safe."

"Safe for what?"

"For your kid." Saeyoung said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm sorry that the chapters are pretty short.


	5. Chapter 5

"My what?"

"Your baby." You said, quietly.

"Wait a minute. Are you telling me you're pregnant?"

You stayed silent.

"I don't believe you. I think you ran away because you got sick of me."

"That's not true!"

"And here I thought you actually cared about me."

"I do!" You yelled. "I love you so much! I  _want_ to have this baby with you, but I was scared on how you were going to react. Plus, the way you treated me is not okay for a child to grow up seeing."

"Just shut up! I'm sick of everyone's lies! First him and now you!"

Tears sprung into your eyes again. "Saeran, I'm not lying and I never lied to you.  _Please_ believe me!" You were practically sobbing.

"She's telling the truth." Saeyoung said. "She really loves you."

"Shut the fuck up! You're nothing but a fucking liar, why would I listen to you?"

"Because I'm your brother!"

"My brother is dead! He left me with our monster of a mother and died!"

"S-saeran..." Saeyoung's voice was overwhelmed by sadness.

"You are coming with me." Saeran took a step forward.

"Do you remember the lake?" You asked.

He stopped in his tracks.

"I heard every word you said." You smiled, tears still streaming down your face. "You have no idea how happy that made me to find out you feel the same way."

"I..." He shook his head and grabbed at his hair.

You rushed to his side, "What's wrong?"

"My head is pounding! I said you can't!"

"What are you talking about? I don't understand what you're saying!" You were panicking. What was happening to him?!

He then seemed a little calmer. He smiled. "I'm finally up front again."

You were confused.

He looked up at you, "It's so nice to see you again."

"What?" You asked.

"I've missed you so much." He suddenly hugged you.

You hugged him back.You looked back at Saeyoung who seemed to know what was going on.

"I-I've missed you too."

"Can you please come back? I've missed you so much, I'm so lonely without you. I'll cry every night if you don't come back home." Tears welled in his eyes. "Please come back."

Who was this? This wasn't the Saeran you knew.

"O-okay. Let me just go talk to Saeyoung quickly before I go. Okay?"

He nodded slowly. "Don't take too long."

"I won't." You stood up and walked over to Saeyoung. "What the hell was that?"

"One of the alters that he has in his mind." Saeyoung said.

"What does that mean?"

"He has multiple personalities in his mind called 'alters' that fight for control over his body. What you see is one of them. His more affectionate alter."

"How do you know all this?"

"I did some research after I noticed him switch when he was younger."

"Uh, okay. So you're telling me that that's not Saeran?"

"Kind of. It's a little hard to explain."

"Alright. Uh," You quickly looked at Saeran and back to Saeyoung, "I guess I have to go now." He looked sad. "I'll visit, okay? And I'll keep in contact." You cupped his cheek, "I love you, Saeyoung." You kissed his cheek and turned to leave. "Let's go." You smiled at 'Saeran' before you both left.

* * *

When you got back, Saeran pushed you against a wall. "Did you really think you could run from me? You're mine. You can't just run away and make up a shitty excuse like you're pregnant."

"But I am! I even took a pregnancy test! It should be in the bathroom trash!" You tried to defend yourself.

He put his hand around your throat, "Shut up! I don't fucking believe you!"

"Please stop, Saeran. This hurts..." You grabbed his wrist.

His grip completely loosened and he dropped his hand. He started walking towards the bathroom.

You took a deep breath and your heart beat fast. You suddenly got nauseous and didn't know if you were going to throw up, but you made your way to the bathroom just in case. Saeran was standing in the middle of the bathroom, looking at the pregnancy test as you hunched over the toilet to vomit.

"Y-you really  _are_ pregnant." He sounded to be in slight disbelief. He slowly made his way down to where you were to rub circles on your back. "I-I'll take care of you, okay?"

You nodded.

When you were done, Saeran handed you a toothbrush and some toothpaste. 

You thanked him.

"I'm sorry for how I acted before. I'm just so used to people lying to me. I thought you did too and you were the one person who I couldn't have lie to or leave me."

"I-it's fine. I get it." You put everything away. "I only left because I thought you would get mad that I was pregnant."

"Why would I?"

"Well, you just kinda get mad so easily."

He placed his hand on your stomach, "I'm not about this."

You smiled at him. "I'm sorry about running away. I won't ever do it again, okay?"

"Okay." He smiled back. "When did you find out you were pregnant?"

"A few days ago."

"I guess we should get a new house then. The baby will need a room of its own, right?"

Should you have told him that there was a chance it was Saeyoung's? But how would he react? He would probably be pissed as all hell. You didn't want him to be mad. You like seeing him like this - happy. He seemed almost excited to have a baby. It was odd now that you thought about it. Was it another one of his alters? You shook off the thought and enjoyed what was happening in front of you. You had never seen Saeran so happy, and it was a sight for sore eyes.

You then noticed that you were crying.

"Why are you crying?"

"I've just never seen you so happy before. I want you to always be like this." You cupped his cheek with your hand.

He wiped away a tear from your face. He placed his hand over yours and leaned his head into your hand.

You were going to have this baby with Saeran. That was your final decision.

* * *

A week or so went by, and you kept in contact with Saeyoung.

**Saeyoung: He's behaving himself, right? He hasn't hurt you?**

**MC: He hasn't. It's been good. He's even looking for another house so the baby can have more room to run around.**

**Saeyoung: Have you not told him about the chance that it might not be his?**

**MC: No. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.**

**Saeyoung: I just hope you know what you're doing.**

**Saeyoung: Bye, MC. I love you.**

**MC: Bye. I love you, too.**

Saeran was browsing houses on his phone as he sat on the couch. 

He showed one to you, "What do you think about this one?"

"I like it. Does it have a decent backyard?"

"Yeah. Plenty of room for her to run around in."

"'Her'?" You asked with a smile.

"Well, I dunno. I like the idea of having a little girl." He smiled back at you.

"What if it's not a girl?"

"I wouldn't mind that, either."

"I've already thought of names. Do you wanna hear them?"

"Yeah, go ahead."

"'Chung-He' for a girl and 'Wook' for a boy." You smiled.

"I like them."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Whatever you want, I'll happily go along with."

"I love you, Saeran."

He froze up. It seemed like he didn't know what to do.

"It's okay. You don't have to say it back." You turned for your room.

"I love you too." You heard him say from behind you.

You turned back around with a smile. "I should go make dinner."

* * *

As you and Saeran shopped for houses and talked more about the baby, the question of whose it was kept pecking at you. You couldn't help it anymore. You just  _had_ to know who impregnated you.

One day, you took the car (with Saeran's permission this time) to a clinic and asked how they might be able to check who the father is.

"Well, we will need a blood sample from you and some type of DNA sample from the potential father." She told you.

"Is it possible to do two tests?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Thank you very much for your time." You shook her hand before leaving.

The second question that arose was: how were you going to get DNA samples from both of them? You could probably get a cheek swab from Saeran while he was asleep, and Saeyoung would happily oblige.

One day, you told Saeran that you were going to Saeyoung's house for a few hours and would be back before dinner.

"Okay. Text me when you get there so I know that you're safe."

"I will." You placed a kiss on his cheek. "I love you."

"I love you, too. Bye."

* * *

"Saeyoung!" You called into the camera. "I still don't know how to speak Arabic! Please just let me in!"

The sound of metal grinding made its way to your ears and you saw Saeyoung at his computer.

"To what do I owe this lovely pleasure?" He asked.

You chuckled. "I missed you, too."

"Does Saeran know you're here?"

"Yes." You chuckled. "He knows this time."

"Well, now that we've cleared that up." He rushed towards you and pushed you against the wall.

His lips captured yours in a fiery passion. His hand ran its way down your body and moved along your curves. It quickly made its way back up to one of your breasts.

"They've gotten bigger."

You blushed and turned your head away.

His lips found their way to your neck and started to lightly suck.

You then remembered that it'd leave a mark for Saeran to see. "Wait, you can't. Saeran will see."

"So what?"

"Saeyoung!" You pushed him. "I don't want him to lose trust in me. Our relationship is finally going smooth. Are you really that jealous and petty?"

He didn't say anything.

"I think it was a mistake to come here. Goodbye."

"Wait, I'm sorry. Please don't go." He looked at your neck. "You can barely see it."

You sighed. "I need something from you."

"What is it?"

"I need some of your DNA."

"Well, if you want that, we can move this to the couch."

You lightly slapped his arm, "That's not what I meant. Do you mind if I get some of your saliva?"

"Sure, but what for?"

"A paternity test. It's been bothering me for a while now."

"What will you do if it comes up that I'm the father?"

You shrugged, "I don't know...I guess I'll just keep it a secret from him."

"That's not fair, MC. I want my kid to know who I am. I don't want them calling someone else 'Dad'."

You sighed, "I know, but I can't mess things up with him. I'll take the baby to come see you."

"And what? I'll be known as 'Uncle Saeyoung'? I'm sorry, MC, but I just can't."

"Can you just fucking give me your saliva?" You snapped.

He sighed, "Sure. I'll go get a Q-tip or something." He walked towards the bathroom.

You sighed and hugged your torso. This was so goddamn complicated.

* * *

After getting the swab from Saeran while he was asleep (you both started sleeping in the same room) you took it to the clinic. They printed out the results and handed them to you.

"So it  _is_ him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another cliffhanger! Okay, that will be the end of the series officially. But, good news for my MC/Saeran shippers! Anyway, thank you for sticking with me through this wild ride! Who do you guys think is the father?


End file.
